En Memorium

Sometimes there are things, or moments, in life that it is best to leave and let lie. To leave to the past, and the memories of the survivors. There are scabs from cuts so deep, they scar the soul for many millenia to come. But sometimes, in order to heal, and live as best you can, you need to open the wounds and speak the agony on your mind. Only then can you hope to begin some salvation.

Everyone needs to deal with tragedy in their own way. Everyone needs to figure out, within themselves, how to deal with a horror no eyes should ever see. But they do need to deal and cope, and everyone can. Some people can't do it all on their own, and that's what friends, family, and loved ones are for. That's even what complete strangers are for.

If there's one thing, of many, that I know about us as Americans: it's that for all our differences and dissagreements, when our way of life and our fellow citizens are threatened, we thoughtlessly band together and show heroic and immeasurable compassion for each other. We put aside competition, differences, and athletic rivalries however legendary they may be. Because the things that matters above all else, is that we are human beings who are equal in every way and we are Americans.

There is also an evil amongst us, who sees themselves not as Americans, but as a world all their own. They follow their own laws, deliver their own edicts, and conform to society only when it suits them. They exist outside our country, and should not be counted among us. Not only not as Americans, but also not as human.

To insist, or rather to simply state: that people who made THEIR own decisions to lead THEIR lives by driving expensive cars, living in huge mansions, and "drinking cognac" is in any way a degredation to you, is pure bull shit! Who knows why they made the decisions that they did. Maybe they got tired of working nine to five behind a fast food counter [like MILLIONS of Americans have!], and decided to try their luck on the stage or screen, because a few people said they were talented.

Or maybe, after spending so much of their young lives singing their heart out, someone offered them a record deal. They didn't say, "maybe I'll sign this million dollar dotted line so I can further opress some high school kids and a college student, under my boot."

They simply made a decision, because it was something they loved to do and they thought they could make a better life for themselves. Making a better life for yourself is something everyone wants. Murder is not a way. None of those students ever did anything to you, and probably never would. They could've helped you on exams, or led you down a path to the riches you so blatantly said you wanted.

But you never gave them that opportunity. How can you know what they would've said or done if you never saw a face. One of those people could have been the key to what you said you deserved, but you didn't let them speak. There could have been a candle of promise standing in front of you, willing to help you to those riches, and you blew out the flame.

I can hardly believe any of what you say is true. Except, maybe for the abscence of YOUR riches. Because I believe that had they actually existed for you, you wouldn't have done what you did. You say people are selfish, and hogging things for themselves...but had you had those things, you'd be the same way. Now who's the selfish one?!

The other thing you need to truly feel, is that: every sister has a brother, and everyone is someone's son or daughter. Everyone has someone who cares about them, and is probably somewhere inside them, feeling a hell of a lot of revenge. Some one is wishing you felt the same pain.

You didn't take away shells that meant nothing, you took away lives that had feelings and compassion for the world. In the numerous cases I've heard, one [unfortunately] jumps to mind.

I forget the young man's name, or his sister's [my deepest soul felt appologies], but I do recall they were in the school's library taking cover, when she was shot. No one could leave, no one could move, and he was trapped..with her..in his arms. He had to sit there, and watch his sister die. His....SISTER!!!

Does any one fucking comprehend this?! Not a teacher, not a friend, not even an administrator...his SISTER!! Can anyone, even grasp the horror of that moment?! Not only were his friends and classmates dying, his sister was IN HIS ARMS!! His life and his mind crumbled at that moment. I can only hope for him, where ever you are, that you have found hope [in some way] and love. I know what I feel for my sister and I couldn't fathom loosing her, and I can't even begin to imagine your torture.

I write this, not to bring up the past to haunt and torment the survivors. I do not wish, by any means to: sadden, destroy, offend, or hurt the people of Littleton Colorado and Blacksburg Virginia. I only wish to: speak my peace, unburden some of my pain, and remember in memorial the victims of those days. I know it is of little help, but I send: my deepest condolences, my most soulfelt sorrows, and my brightest hopes for a better tomorrow.

To everyone who by any chance reads this, we must always remember: April 20th 1999, and April 16th 2007. We must keep in our minds, what happened, so we can make our souls and spirits stronger every day, and guard ourselves so it doesn't happen again.

En Memorium:

To the victims of Columbine High School, and Virginia Tech. University:

I will always remember you, even though I never knew you. I wish, with all my heart, there was something I could've done.