Paranoia Serenade

For a while now, I've been thinking about what to..columnize (a new term I'm forcing onto the scene, because "blogging" is annoying and pansy like), and I've wrestled down paranoia. Don't worry, it had me pinned for a minute, but I broke it's choke hold. Please tell me SOMEONE gets that pun.

Many months ago, after I had received my renewed passport (and didn't have enough time to run home) and was glancing at it, a former co-worker said to me "you know, they put chips in those things so they can track you." Uh...huh. They put computer chips in passports?

Are you kidding me?! A government, who's got constant threats of terrorism against it, all over the world, gives a rat's ass about where some guy is screwing his girlfriend and how heavy she breaths.

"Sir the insurgents are on the move again, and they seem to moving towards us at an alarming rate!" "Screw the rebels Johnson! Ms. Flynn's on top and she seems to be enjoying it! Holy crap! Is that King Of Queens on TV!"

Give me a break! We've been: lied to, controlled, manipulated, had federal spies outed, and cheated for EIGHT years! Everyone who's got the balls enough to still ally with us is terrified! Not of what can happen, but of what most likely will.

They're not our friends because they love us, they're our friends because we're the ones with our fingers on the trigger. While that seems like a reason to be paranoid, it's NOT!

I'm not talking about what can happen from the rest of the world, to us. I'm talking about what can happen from US. The color coded "terror" alert system....

(see moms and dads you can teach your kids about safety AND the rainbow! Federal public service AND education all rolled into one! I came up with that in 10 seconds, and I'm not even stoned! Where's my seat in Congress!)

...only serves as an excuse to freak out the nuts whose next agenda is insinuating the air we breath contains invasive microbes. We need to know what terrorist within our own citizenry are up to, not what AVERAGE EVERYDAY Americans who work in bookstores in Minnesota do.

Most of the people here aren't intelligent enough to inhale in a car, let alone plot against a country. And while I'm on the "terror" alert system, is it really necessary that there's more than one color?! It's always been ORANGE! And they never tell you what that means. You just hear it over the public address system at the airport.

I guarantee you I have not heard ONE SINGLE person say "oh," or "what's that mean?" It's not because we don't want to know, I do, it's because at this point, we don't care.

Americans can read, only because they want to, they just don't because as a society...we're lazy!! We don't know what the colors mean because: 1. 3 minutes is too long to wait between "getting our hair done," and doing our nails...and, 2. the goddamn government beats us over the head with it.

If you want the citizenry to learn it, tell them what it is, pause, and then tell them what it means! The color "terror" alert system actually tells you what other nations may think of you when you arrive. Be prepared to at least be scowled at.

BUT, and just like a lot of singers these days, this is a BIG butt: realize that they hate your government....NOT YOU. It's not personal, it may be displaced, but it's not personal. It's okay to express your anger over your government. It's natural, and god given.

The world needs to know, MANY MANY Americans hate their own government. In this day and age: when we've started a war under apparently false pretenses, and can't seem to find the greatest evil since Hitler, how can anyone...ANYONE...seriously think any government has the technology, money, and time to spy on EVERY SINGLE citizen?!!

Come on! Don't be lazy! Our government has to worry about how it comes off to every country in the world, and how our enemies threaten us. It worries about threats from within and without.

It just plain DOESN'T GIVE A CRAP whether or not YOU walk from the break room to the register. Or why you bought chicken instead of pizza. If you spend your days worrying about every little detail, you will NEVER get anything you deserve!

You are a human being and deserve as much as I do. Fear resigns you to the recess of your already tormented mind. Don't shake and tremble every step you take. Don't constantly look over your back, your head will get stuck that way (I mean that figuratively).

Smile every once in a while. Be happy that you're lucky to be alive, and that even if things haven't always been good..they will be! There is happiness EVERYWHERE. JUST.....BE.....HAPPY. And for Christ's sake...let me be too!